Consulting Detective Assbutt


I’m trying hard to live by Cat Principles.

1- I am glorious above all things
2- Eat when hungry, sleep when sleepy, play when bored
3- Affection is given and received on my terms and only mine
4- Show displeasure clearly.
5- NO
6- Demand the things you want. If they aren’t given, demand them again, but louder this time.
7- If you are touched when you don’t want to be, say so. If they continue to touch you, make them bleed.

(via hormoaning)

10:19 pm, Wednesday August with 63,880 notes
posted at 10:18 pm on Wednesday
with 167,293 notes
10:18 pm, Wednesday August with 157,252 notes


me: *dials 911*

operator: hello 911, what’s your emergency?

me: i need someone to cuddle with, rub my back, and play with my hair

operator: someone is on their way, please stay calm

(via iteleport)

10:17 pm, Wednesday August with 183,988 notes

Life is so hard when your best friend is a 9.5/10 and you’re a strong 4 with the right filter and lighting

(Source: sorelatable, via richgirlzmentality)

10:17 pm, Wednesday August with 343,954 notes



NEW VIDEO EVERYONE! ‘Dan and Tyler Being Offensive’

I found this video extremely humorous whilst slightly seizing me of the small shred of innocence I still have

(via danisnotonfire)

10:17 pm, Wednesday August with 27,308 notes


if a girl wants to watch a sport because she thinks a player is hot then let her, it’s not like guys watch the VS fashion show because they want to buy new bras. 

(via zaynsbro)

10:17 pm, Wednesday August with 583,877 notes


i didnt lose my virginity, i know exactly who has it

(via lmaoalien)

10:17 pm, Wednesday August with 189,694 notes


I’ve never been so scared in my life

(Source: morningsuns, via wetniallofficial)

10:16 pm, Wednesday August with 69,767 notes


i hate when people complain about how technology is “ruining everything.” i have over 200 pictures of my dog on my phone and i can send them to my friends when they are sad. how is that ruining anything. why do you hate happiness

(via gnarly)

10:15 pm, Wednesday August with 226,591 notes